Aimee Horton

When you have days like these…

Jan
19

..you have to look on the funny side…

I’m tired after last night, Fat Larry snored louder then his daddy normally does, I was very aware of every creak, and the ratbags were up at the crack of dawn ready to work harder at driving me to have a nervous breakdown.

so…things that have been said by Theo today:

–          Whilst Dancing to Britney with me..Theo stops points to self and says “Eo not gay”

–          At breakfast time “Mummay SIT DOWN and eat your toast poperlee”

–          Whilst singing the theme tune to miffy, instead of singing “Miffyyyy..AND FRIENDS” “MIPPYYY BBREAKKKFASSSTTTT…Cereal for dinnah?”

–          Generally every time I drop something “MUMMYYY NO MUMMY NOOO CALM DOWN AND STOP BEING SILLY”.

I’m slightly concerned, I can hear myself.

Things I’ve said/thought today: (please note, I do not always parent using bribes/threats, however today it was that or hiding in the garage with my newly delivered bottle of Bombay Sapphire from Waitrose…which I think would probably have been the better option)

–          “I wish I could go for a wee without somebody putting a colander on my head”

–          “Theodore…Mummys’ patience is really teeeennnyyyy tinny today, and if you don’t stop saying you don’t like the big slide, and just go on the little slide, she’s going to fall onto the floor and kick and scream” (much to the amusement of a man near by at the park).

–          “Baking?? Of COURSE we can do baking….now you pour this milk into this bowl…that’s right, now you empty this powder in, whisk whisk whisk, now pour it into bowls…and we’re going to put it in the fridge to cook…carefulllll” (we were *cough* baking Angel Delight)

–          “Sorry Theo…the paints are broken today”

–          “Theodore Christopher Horton…I swear, if you do not stay on that naughty spot I will call Grandad, who will cry…do you want to make granddad cry? You do? Bugger, I don’t have his number in Tenerife”

–          “Oh sorry darling…did I get shampoo in your eyes…never mind, it’s not half as painful as what you’ve put me through today”.

–          “I hope your breakfast has pooh in it” (to my husband, who is away and had a lovely night’s sleep in a lovely hotel…not my son…that would be cruel…)

–          “Lawrence…if you’d finished your last bottle, you wouldn’t be starving when you have half an hour until your next bottle…get used to it dude…that’s just the way we roll in this household”

I’ve just read that through.  I’m a bad mother. Now where is my husband so I can tell him I hope there is wee in his beer…

x

 

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