When they turn into three-nagers.

I officially appear to have a three going on thirteen year old in my life.  As Fatso is moves into the terrible two’s FAR too many months before his second birthday (OCTOBER LAWRENCE OCTOBER!), the Beast has started developing an attitude that one can only describe as a teenager.

Whilst Fatso might be unreasonable in the collapsing on the floor screaming following you around, arching his back, flinging himself out of your arms kind of way, the Beast is slowly moving away from that, and if I’m honest, I’m not sure I like this stage any better.  Don’t get me wrong, he still flings himself on the floor, or kicks the door when he’s sent into the hall, but now he’s started answering back.  He’s also so dramatic with it, I fluctuate daily between being REALLY REALLY angry (my friend commented that my counting to three never used to be through gritted teeth with an underlying growl), and having to try really hard not to laugh mid telling off.

He doesn’t just cry or look upset when I say something, nor, and I suppose this is more important, does he listen and take heed.  He frowns, juts out his jaw and in a tone of voice that is worse then nails down a chalkboard, he retorts.  Below are a few examples which have happened over the last few days.

Me (whilst on a play date at somebody’s house): “THEODOREEE, I’m going to count to three, and if you don’t come down those stairs I will take your magnet away…ONEE….”


Me: “Twooo…”


Or perhaps, I’m at my friends, and I’ve just told him if he doesn’t put his coat on he’ll not only lose a magnet he’ll go in the hall (I KNOW, I KNOW a double punishment seems harsh for what appears to be a relatively small battle, but this happens every time we leave their house).  I’ve crouched down, I’m holding onto his arm so I can position him to look at me while I attempt to reason with him.

The Beast: “get off me, I SAID GET OFF ME MUMMY, LET GO OF MY ARM”

He went in the hall.

It’s lunch time, he’s not eating his dinner.

ME: “Theodore, eat your dinner please”

The Beast: “NO – you eat YOUR dinner first Mummy”

Then I stupidly enter into the conversation “I am eating my dinner, see, it’s nearly all gone”

The Beast: “Shuush Mummy, you’re disappointing me, I don’t want to look at you any more” before averting his eyes and looking across the room.

What’s the most frustrating thing with this current phase is that I’m starting to hear myself in him.  I have told him frequently (because I know it has more impact then ever being sent in the hall), that I don’t want to look at him until he calms down.  I MAY have also told him he was disappointing me.  I’m getting the impression that this stage is sent to remind us that our parenting techniques can be repeated, and therefore scrutinized in public.  For example, nursery is totally aware that he’s sent to the hall for three minutes, because he’s sent other children toys to the hall at Pre-School.  That was embarrassing.  Especially as he says the telling off bit in a FAR more fierce voice then I do. “You woz sent to da ‘all, coz you woz BAD, STAY THERE FOR 3 MINUTES, OKAY?” before SLAMMING the door.  Now, I don’t slam the door, not since the time I trapped his fingers in it.

So what do I do as my children mock me with my own words?  Do I learn from it?  Do I heck.  I find another phrase or technique to use that he will eventually be thrown back in my face.  Like, when he refuses to get in the car, driving off and leaving him on the side of the road (with my friend next to him).  That’s only been relayed to the grandparent’s so far I think.

Oh – and before you ask.  How do I discipline the fat one at the moment?  Well, I often find just putting him down and walking away from him works.  This usually results with him (if he’s crawling), stopping and putting his head on the floor and sobbing.  Alternatively, if I put him down on his bottom he tends to bend his fat head and shoulders forward and sob like an old man.  That’s like a stab in the heart if ever there was one.  God knows what I’ll do when I get to the putting him in the hall stage.  He’s stronger then me, he’ll have the door off its hinges in no time.


  1. Kate

    *stiffle snigger* I’m so glad it’s not just me!!! Hahaha! The amount of times Charlie has turned around and repeated one of my phrases and I’ve had to leave the room for fear of laughing is ridiculous! How can someone so small be so frigging smart. And I’m almost postive they’re being sarcastic when they say it, like “remember this comment? It so didn’t work….”

    Holly is 10 this year & that’s a whole other round of discipline. At the mo she’s very good & nowhere near as cheeky as her brother but I’m dreading the teenage years. The ‘lip’ will be too much to handle!

    Someone pour the g&t…..

  2. butwhymummywhy

    Wow, we have the same life (just swap your two boys for two girls though, obvs)! Beast sounds just like Noo, especially when they say things to you that they have obviously heard from us. Equally infuriating as it is a little bit funny!

  3. Rachybaby

    Shit. I was looking forward to the terrible twos ending :-/ I have no idea what to say no do not how to handle that kind of back chat!

  4. Whole Life Fitness

    lol, we get “don’t talk to me mummy, don’t talk”

    the only thing I would say is don’t bother about the coat, they will put it on when they get cold (also if they are going in a car seat they are not suppose to wear thick layers anyway).

    Ellie also does the head between legs on floor sobbing thing, I always find myself admiring the flexibility.

    1. theperfectbadmummy

      I didn’t know about the thick layers thing in car seat! What’s the reasoning?

      Theo is very pig headed, and unfortunately no matter how long we left it and how cold he got, he’d never put his coat on. I would let him get sick, but selfishly that would mean nursery/pre-school could potentially send him home, meaning I’d have to deal with him!

  5. trickycustomer

    Is it wrong that I find your boys so cute and funny? I they they so hilarious! I guess cos’ we aren’t going to get any of this attitude stuff with Samuel, I just find it so funny hearing about it. Bless those boys! x

  6. Gemma

    Ha ha, love the examples of T answering back! I know the threenager phase well! As with most (all) parenting conundrums, bribery is always the answer!
    As for terrible twos, yep, Isla is well into these now, way ahead of the scheduled end of June start date… oh the joys!! xx

  7. (Mostly) Yummy Mummy

    My five year old and three year old play Mummies ALL of the time at the moment and they both sound so much like me that it is scary! Although not as scary as my actual teenagers. They terrify me. But I should probably leave that as a nice surprise for you….. 😉

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