When you realise you’re not cool any more.

Last night, during the bath and bed time chaos, I suddenly had an epiphany. I’m not cool any more.

I’m not saying I was ever THAT cool, but I’m SURE I had something about me. I must have. Surely.

It’s been playing on my mind for a while now, with two teenage nephews, I was sensing I was losing my touch, my geekiness was no longer “down with it”, it was just, well, “down”. But in my mind I still had a glimmer of hope, my love of clothes, celebrity and american trash, surely that meant SOMETHING.

However, last night, whilst I was teaching my wet, naked, three year old son how to do some dance moves and duet with me to “Let’s get ready to rumble” I lost that glimmer of hope. If I was cool it would be something by, er. Who’s cool right now? I’m guessing that the era of B*witched has come and gone hasn’t it?

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, The Beast requests the “1, 2, 3 song” in the car frequently (Girls Aloud, The Promise), and the songs I sing to my children are far from hip, for example we have “Dressed for Success” by Roxette, “We’ve got to eat it up” (Something Kinda Ooo by Girls Aloud), and “What the fatty fatty? what the fatty fatty? What the Fatty Fatty FAT BOY LARRY” (Fat Boy Slim). Plus, my day to day music taste is pretty much BC (Before Children).

Since last night, I’ve continued to dissect my life, my personality. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve not been cool for a while. Would a cool person refer to Rosé as “roséhoséjosérosé”? Would a cool person know ALL the words to EVERY Britney Spears song out there? Would a cool person take photographs of everything they cook, right from laying the ingredients out to the final plate presentation? Would a cool person remove a “bogie” from their 17 month old sons nose at the Doctors and wipe it on the seat whilst the Doctor was printing a prescription out on the computer? Would a cool person actually clap their hands in glee when they discover there are some more kitchen accessories in the Next Catalouge which match with their pvc table cloth? Would a cool person refer to things as “Gr00vy” and “Wikid”? And finally. Would a cool person cry at the final of Americas Next Top Model? (Oh, and would a cool person be told by their three year old son that that’s not cool”). No. I think not.

Where did it all go wrong? Was I always delusional? Was I NEVER cool? Or perhaps it was when I had the children? Was it the constant battle to not have a proper changing bag, just a mightyfine handbag that wore me down? (I managed with The Beast, but when Fatso came along and I had two sets of stuff it wasn’t as easy). Or perhaps it was the day I chose to wipe sick off my shoulder with a wet wipe rather then changing my top before I went out? Was it my job? Or is it just age. Was it a steady decline?

Either way, I need to decide what to do now? Do I wake up and start trying to get down wiv da kidz? Risk becoming an embarrassment, the Madonna of Lincolnshire suburbia, as opposed to the fabulous at forty Kylie? Or do I accept my fate? Succumb to my future? Become frumpy and middle aged gracefully?

Is there an in between stage that I need to know about? Is there a “not necessarily cool, but not down right dull” stage? If so, how does that sit? What clothes do I need to wear, and most importantly, can I still have Gin?


  1. Chloe Brewer

    Absolutely love this post and upon careful consideration I believe that when you have kids you loose the time it takes to keep up with whats cool. I know this because I am no longer cool either and at 24 years old, I’ve not experienced ‘cool’ for very long before loosing it altogether! Personally I’m happy to think that Britney Spears Greatest hits is a fab CD, boys wearing their trousers under their butts is ridiculous and also that really I’m probably beyond help as my son is more likely to experience cool for the first time before I can even think about addressing how to be cool myself again! Oh it’s a sad day when you realise you’ve lost coolness and gained age in stead.

    1. theperfectbadmummy

      I think you could be right, on both the kids taking up your time, and also on the bit about the boys being cooler before we get chance to regain some composure! Good luck on your quest 😉

  2. Bibsey Mama (@BibseyMama)

    “Would a cool person actually clap their hands in glee when they discover there are some more kitchen accessories in the Next Catalogue which match with their pvc table cloth?” Ha ha ha. Surely you are cool as the Gin and Tonic you drink… erm, or something like that.

    I think that I lost my ‘cool’, such as it was, shortly after I lost my dignity, which was on the same day that I begged them for an epidural. x

  3. MelkshamMum

    Ha ha! I love this! the whole getting excited over co-ordinating accessories for ones kitchen is the epitomy of being cool – isn’t it?
    Me and the kids sing along to The Killers – cool! I dance with them in public at festivals – slightly tipsy so maybe not that cool and just a bad mother?!

  4. Nikki Thomas

    That post made me laugh so much! No I think it’s official that you are a member of the not cool mummy club, but we are very large in number. I’m not sure if I was ever cool as such, but I have definitely reached new depths of uncoolness since becoming a mum!

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  6. Somethingblue_2

    Oh I do love you! I can say with absolute certainty that I have NOT lost my cool . . . although that could be because I was never cool in the first place. You win some, you lose some! x ps if it helps, I think you’re cool 😉

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