When you have to remind yourself of the benefits.

I don’t know about you, but there are just some days when I sit back, close my eyes, and think “what have I done?”.  I know that sounds horrible, and it’s not something you want to admit, however, when you’ve had about 10 hours sleep spread over three nights, and you’re being told to “chill out because you’re giving me a headache” by a four year old, I hope guess you can be forgiven for thinking the grass is greener.

Therefore, I’ve compiled a list of positive reasons for having kids.  You know, just in case I forget again.

Birthday Parties.

I know that a lot of people see invitations to kids birthday parties as a hindrance but for me it’s perfect.  In exchange for a card and small gift I get a few hours out at the weekend where I get to dig into a birthday buffet (party eggs, wotsits and Cadbury’s fingers – you can’t go wrong), chat to other parents, whilst having more capable adults control my children.  I get to bop along to such classics as “The Superman Song” and “The Hokey Cokey”, and after it’s all over, I get to confiscate the Haribo from the party bags.

Naughty “nursery” food.

I’m just going to say five words Fish fingers, chips and Beans. You can’t beat them, hot or leftover on the plate. #thatisall

The Bar.

The minute you give birth, a new milestone suddenly appears in your daily routine.  Opening The Bar.  A time of day where once you’ve got over all the tears and tantrums, air punched when the bedtime hour song comes on the tv (ONLY FIFTY-NINE UNTIL BED TIME), and finally tucked the little darlings in, you get to sit down and take that first well deserved relaxing sip of meths whatever tipple you fancy.

Silence is golden.

There was a time, BB (BeforeBeasts) when I couldn’t stand silence.  Seriously, I ALWAYS had to have the tv, radio or some music on.  Even overnight and I was struggling to sleep I would have something on low, to drown out the tell tale creaks of people breaking in (paranoia at it’s best), or to calm my mind down, stop it whizzing around with everything I had to worry about.  When Matt went to the gym I’d hate it – what would I do with myself?! Now I have so much problem. On those rare occasions where I’m on my own I often just sit, lights dimmed, clutter of the day around me, and close my eyes and take it in.  Hearing myself think is a rare treat these days.

There are more hours in the day.

Thanks to the joy of children, you don’t need to worry about pesky lie-ins hindering your productivity.  With an extra 4-5 hours kick starting your day you’d think we’d get everything done.  It’s just a shame you need to constantly stop to top up the caffeine drip.

Specialist Subjects for Mastermind

I never thought I was smart enough to go on Mastermind.  I never really had a specialist subject (unless knowing all the Bananarama dance routines count?)

However, these days I could be champion.  After all, I bet I am the only person who has no interest in superhero movies to know the entire script to all three of the “Spiderman” trilogy.

I also bet that there are a lot of us out there that could give you a five year run on all the CBeebies seasonal songs.  For example “SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER TIME” was 2009.  If you’re interested.  Which I know very few of you are.

Legitimate Reasons to watch kids TV.

Cinderella, Toy Story, Scooby Doo, The Land Before Time, Shrek, Ice Age, Alvin and The Chipmunks, Horrid Henry, Thomas the Tank Engine, Peppa Pig.  The list is endless.  A chance to regress to your childhood, zoned out on the sofa with a blanket, a packet of Penguin biscuits and a strawberry Nesquik.

Just please be prepared for disappointment of change. You now have Postman Pat and the “SPECIAL DELIVERYYY SERVICE” theme and Thomas’s face is moving, somebody NARRATES for Pingu,  Oh, and DO NOT get me started on Fireman Sam.

Always being able to win.

Snap, Hungry Hippos, Running Races, Scatch, Swing Ball, Buckaroo, Operation, Downfall, all games I would fail at.  But it’s OK now as I can beat my four year old.  Just.

Living through your child

I always wanted Hungry Hippos but I had to settle for playing it at friends houses.   My mum said I couldn’t have a Mr. Frosty as my sister had had it and it was rubbish (I WANTED TO BE THE JUDGE OF THAT), and a good day out was being able to go to the Early Learning Centre to play with the Brio train track that used to be set up.  No need to harbour that childhood resentment any more, we now have Hungry Hippos, I will happily play Brio all day (although if somebody touches my track there’s an issue), and I am considering a Mr. Frosty for Christmas this year.  I can live though my children to play with childhood wanna-haves .  Oh – and they are going to be pop stars too since that dream was never achieved.

And the final one, that moment when they look at you and their face lights up with love.  That’s when, no matter how tired you are, how frustrated, how angry, it’s worth it.

Just don’t tell them I said so.


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