It’s the first Monday of March, and what better way to kickstart the week than with the brand new Bad Mums Club linky, which this week is being hosted over at butwhymummywhy.
This month I’m going to talk about fibs, white lies, stretching the truth, being creative, whatever you call it it all boils down to one thing “shit we tell our kids to make life easier“.
Thing is, I’ve never been a very good lier. It doesn’t come very naturally to me, I’m one of those “wear your heart on your sleeve” kinda gals, which means that you just have to take one look at my face and you can see that I’m not being entirely honest with you, yet when it comes to the children, the lies are falling out of my mouth with the ease of a criminal mastermind, I’d being alarmed if I wasn’t so knackered.
Therefore, I am going to limit this post to the top five, mainly because otherwise it would be a really really long post, but also, well, let’s just say I figure five will mean you withhold judgement, anymore and I think there may be some raised eyebrows.
Top Five Lies I tell my Kids
1. Father Christmas, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy, The Birthday Fairy, and the school Head Master are watching you through the secret camera which is in nearly every room of our house. (The house alarm sensor boxes).
One day in November a year or so ago during a pretty painful “leaving the house on time” debacle the red light flashed on the alarm sensor and I just said “LOOK! Santa is watching, you better behave…”
Works like a dream.
Most of the time.
2. “What this? This is made out of egg.” (or broccoli depending on which child)
One of the sacrifices I really resent as a mother is having to share my food, it’s one I grudgingly do because obviously I want them to try new things, and let’s face it, I’m not apposed to sneaking a piece of cold fish finger off a plate from time to time, so all’s fair and all that…however, there is just one food I cannot bring myself to share. Ferrero Roche. So if the kids catch me eating it behind the fridge door, I tell them it’s made of egg (The Beast hates egg) or Broccoli (for the Chunky Monkey).
They always wrinkle their noses and turn away quickly before I offer them the opportunity to try it.
3. If you try XX you can have eight brown round biscuits.
We never have 8 brown round biscuits (oreos) in the tin, ever, because I’ve already eaten them as I was emptying the packet out after shopping.
4. If you don’t do XX the iPads are going in the bin/we’re not going on that playdate.
Like that’s going to happen. I’d either have to talk to them on the way to tennis lessons or worse still, spend a few tantrum filled hours on my own with them without adult company.
5. If you have more than one vitamin a day your stomach will explode
I bought some vitamins towards the end of term. The Beast was ready for the holidays, he was tired, pale, and I think growing since he was eating like a horse. I thought the vitamins would give him an extra boost, plus, they were an awesome “getting dressed” reward.
However, they are just like jelly sweets really, so half way through the holidays, while I was flipping through the NEXT catalogue looking at a lamp I quite liked, he came pestering me for another one, and I couldn’t be bothered with the whole “whyyy” thing that was happening so I just answered shortly with “no, because otherwise your tummy will explode”.
Now I am never allowed to forget it.
This is a co-hosted linky, this month hosted by ButWhyMummyWhy, but what’s really exciting is that next month I GET TO HOST IT (I know, hold onto your hats), and then I will be handing over to Not Another Mummy Blog, before it heads over to Hurrah for Gin.
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