This isn’t a post I’m particularly proud of, let’s face it, who would be?
I’ve only just come to terms with the fact that the three and a half year old beast is smarter then me. I’m becoming wise to his crafty sneaky ways, and although I shouldn’t admit it, I’m quite proud of them.
The Beast doesn’t do anything sinister, just the odd thing, for example on Easter Sunday claiming he was “allll full up” at breakfast, leaving it exactly 19 minutes before asking for chocolate.
Or the time he convinced me to let him put his Spiderman costume on over his jeans and t.shirt, only to point out that it was now no longer too cold to go outside in it, as he has his clothes on too. (I should have seen that one coming really).
Or perhaps the time he managed to con me into calling him a “big boy” after a 20 minute game of “why?”, then reminding me that I said once he was a “big boy” he could have two wheels on his scooter instead of three. Oh.
However, I do take issue to the fact that a child who isn’t even 18 months old for another 10 days has started to outwit me, what I can’t decide is, if he means to or not, and if that is better or worse?
An example of the said outsmarting is Fatso and his constant stash of dummies. I have no idea where he keeps them, but whenever I think I’ve hidden them all on a shelf in his bedroom (he’s only really meant to have them at nap time…but that’s another post for later in the week), he appears a few minutes later looking very pleased with himself dummy in mouth.
I don’t understand where they are, I know that there are still three missing. I’ve checked under the sofa, under the coffee table, in his sock drawer, under his mattress, in the toy box. But they are nowhere to be found. I also don’t know how he keeps topping up the supply, does he sneak out of bed at night and do the switch?
I probably shouldn’t be surprised, for as long as he could crawl, the fat one has also set up a hidden stash of treats somewhere on the middle floor. I didn’t notice to start with, I just thought it was just the odd end of a bread stick he’d dropped from the day before. However, when he started sitting in front of the tv with a full packet of raisins, or a ginger nut biscuit (WE HAVEN’T HAD THOSE FOR MONTHS! I don’t think I’ve even given him one before!!), I realised something was a miss.
I’ve looked behind the sofa, inside the speakers, in the tissue box. NU-THING.
So where do I go from here? How have I not noticed things sneaking up the stairs? But more worryingly, what will I do when they are teenagers? I don’t stand a chance do I?
Perhaps (as I quote John Bishop), “everyday, a little bit of lovliness falls off as they grow up”, maybe a little bit of their clever, crafty, sneaky side falls off too? Is that how a boy who WON’T SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINUTES, suddenly turns into a grunting mass with no communication skills? (I have no proof that this is what happens, I’m just going on the rumours I’ve heard).
Either way. I need to know where this food stash is as I’ve run out of chocolate digestives.