Aimee Horton

Twisted Knickers.

Feb
05

So. The motherhood challenge thing happened, and without realising that everyone was going to get their knickers in a twist for twisting sake, I posted my photos. I didn’t nominate anyone though, mainly because I’m too self absorbed and forgot that part.

I joined in because at that moment it was taking all my restraint not to shout “GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP” up the stairs. I joined in, because a few people had ‘nominated me’ and I thought “fuck it, looking at pictures that make me smile remind me that my children are ok at times.” I also joined in, because rather naively I thought certain people might like to see the pictures and read my comments.

I didn’t realise that by admitting I love my kids I was bragging. I didn’t realise that I was insinuating that I was an amazing mum, or that I was doing a fantastic job, or that I was patting myself on the back and being a smug cow. It was not so long ago, that by saying something negative about your child made you a bad mother. I’ve done that too, so sorry about that. Sorry about it all.

You see, as a mum, I like to look at other mum’s pictures. Admittedly nobody has a child as cute as mine, but I still think most people’s kids are blooming cute. I like to see these children grow up. I like to see them having a tantrum because you gave them the wrong coloured plate, or the sofa that they’ve drawn on. I like to see them at their first swim gala, in their first football kit, on their first day of school or achieving star of the week. I like to see a mum being proud – even if sometimes some posts are a bit vomit inducing.

But here’s the deal – for me anyway. My social media accounts aren’t for your benefit.

 It’s probably surprising to hear, from somebody who supposedly wears their heart on their sleeve across most social media networks, but when I upload/write a status I’m not doing it for the general public, I’m doing it for me.

I don’t go on social media to be offended, quite the opposite, often I go on to cheer myself up. You see, the people on my feed, I like them. They make me happy. Yes, there is the odd person who can post a status that makes them come across as a bit of a pillock, there are some needy cryptic attention seekers, and I’m not really that fussed about how many places you can check into on a day. But I’m not offended by it all, I just scroll on through, and look at the things that make me smile.

People’s achievements. Oh my god, I love to see how people are doing, people from my past and present, who are all over the world these days, they’ve run marathons. They’ve got new jobs, they’ve had kids, they’ve got married, they’re moving house, they’re following their dreams. I LOVE IT. Facebook and Instagram to me, are the way I keep up, because I have come to terms with the fact that no matter how many birthday cards I buy, they’ll never get from the glove box to the post box.

I don’t tend to join in any of the viral stuff, and I actually avoid anything that’s to ‘raise awareness to charity’ unless I think it will get a laugh, because well, that’s what I like to do, I like to make people laugh. I like to raise a smile amongst the perils of day-to-day life. It makes me happy. You really couldn’t give a toss about me not wearing make up, and I couldn’t give a toss if you knew I’d given to that charity or not. It’s really not anybody’s business.

It’s a bit like the fact that I don’t tell you that for the last four days I’ve been sat with my foot up and I’m bloody depressed about the fact that I can’t run. Nor do I tell you that it’s impacted my entire writing week, and I’ve spent a lot of time in tears eating yellow food. Why would I post that? Makes me sound a bit pathetic. In fact, I’ve deleted this paragraph about three times because I feel a bit of a twat, but I’ll keep it in to enhance my rant.

You see, I know we live in Instagram nation, and we all know that we’re all guilty at one time or another of taking 50 million photos and filtering the fuck out of them. But I also think we’re getting a little guilty of over-thinking. I agree maybe the word “challenge” and the act of having to “tag a person who you think is an awesome mum” were not the best choices for this particular facebook “meme”, but perhaps it’s about time  we realise that some people are just making memories for themselves, not to rub them into you, and perhaps you’re getting offended about something that is really rather insignificant (a few extra pictures in your timeline which is probably full of other baby and family snaps) in the grand scheme of things.