When they develop your traits…
GAHHHHHHH….Theo is arrogant, stubborn, determined, strong willed and bloody minded….I wonder where he gets it from?…oh. arse. That would be me then?
Theo is sadly a chip off the old block…I always joked that I wanted him to look like Matt and have my brains…however I didn’t want him to take my character fails and use them against me!!!
The latest example of this is potty training, well, sort of half assed, I don’t want him to pooh in the bath and he wont in his nappy, potty training. I’m not actually sure why I want to potty train Theo…being in nappies is the easiest option, you can go on long car journeys whenever you want without having to stop for a wee, it’s not another thing to try and stop me from feeding Larry (“put him on the tAHble” and “Eo sit there…on Mummies knee” are the current favourites), and also, well let’s face it, it’s just less hassle all the time.
However, I’m aware it’s a stage sneaking up on me, as he can’t go to school in nappies….or can he?? NO. NO. NO he can’t! Hmph. Anyway, we’ve been easing him into it for about 8 months now…nothing major, but I was SOOO determined for potty to actually be toilet (the thought of emptying pooh down the loo out of the potty makes me heave) that we started sitting him on it before the bath every night. This worked really well, he didn’t often do a wee or a pooh (although the one time he did I scared him by squealing so loudly with excitement), but he was used to it and there was no stigma.
Then all of a sudden, one day in August/September he became hysterical about sitting on the toilet and refused too…then it got close to Fatso’s due date and I decided it was too much upheaval for him and we left it. Now we’re trying again, and he’s not fussed about the toilet but he’s showing “interest” in the potty. By interest he’s saying “Not on the potty” whenever he needs a pooh or a wee. Great. In fact, he’s only really interested in poohing and weeing in the bath…friggin’ typical…a very bokesome situation when you’re solo bathing a baby and a toddler.
I know in my head that it will come when he’s ready, however being the pushy mummy that I am, I want him to be out of nappies BECAUSE HE LOOKS SO DAMNED CUTE IN PANTS…and because of this I have resorted to losing all self respect and trying the following methods.
– A reward Chart – Fail. He’s too young to understand the concept.
– Chocolate if you wee on the potty – ruined by daddy offering chocolate WHILE he’s on the potty. One day over the Christmas break he managed to con 3 huge chocolate coins out of Matt in return for sitting on the potty. He then kept asking for the potty the next day, but melting down when there was no chocolate forthcoming…fail.
– Putting him in pants and hoping for the best – What was I thinking? Fail.
– Sitting on the toilet next to him – I feel like a tit.
And the latest…which I’m not proud about but am getting desperate:
ME: “Santa spoke to me Theo….he said he has 2 extra presents for Theo”
THEO: “Presents for Eoh?”
ME: “Yes, IF you do a wee or a pooh on the potty he has presents”
THEO: “Presents for Eoh but not mummy?”
ME: “Yes, if you do a wee or a pooh on the potty or toilet you can have a special present which is kept in mummys car”
THEO: “Mummys new car? Mummys car clean…Daddy’s car dirty”
ME:”Sooo are you going to do a wee wee on the potty for a present from Santa?”
THEO:**wips off nappy and legs it to the potty in record time and sits down** “Present from Santa for Eoh if Eoh sitson the potty?” **taps toilet which is next to potty** “Mummy sit on toilet”
ME: **sits on toilet**”Mummy sit on toilet”
THEO: “NO MUMMY, PULL YOUR PANTS DOWN.
So there I am. A woman of 29 sitting on the toilet with her jeans and knickers around her ankles, with a baby on the changing mat growing increasingly pissed off, and a toddler reading a book. I think (ok I know), he’s mocking me.
We spend 20 minutes like this, him deciding he needs no wee or pooh, and he wont do it in the bath as it’s dirty. He goes in the bath as I need a glass of Mummy Juice by then and it’s close to bar opening time.
I’m getting the baby dressed. He poohs in the bath. Hysteria resumes.