I love shopping. I mean, really love it (except jeans shopping). There’s nothing I love more than walking into a shop and being drawn to various items of clothing going “oooh look at that” and “OMG THIS! THIS!” The only thing that rivals the buzz of spotting the perfect shoes is getting a lovely review on one of my books.
The thing is, since I’ve become a ‘struggling creative’ as Mr Aimee likes me to think, I’ve had to reign in the spending a little bit – or that’s what I like him to think. It’s not that we’re strapped for cash, but Mr Aimee doesn’t get that thing where sometimes you just NEED some new clothes. It was getting rather boring, him getting high pitched and squeaky every time I rocked up with a River Island bag (attempting to hold onto my youth a little bit), and having to explain that YES I do have a lot of jeans. Because, apart from the usual reasons such as I’ve gained a bit of weight/lost a bit of weight/they’re falling apart, he doesn’t get my favourite the ‘because it was soooo prettttyyy’ reason. In fact, I think we’re both tiring of the same discussion. He just does not appreciate that a statement necklace makes an outfit, or when you get a new bikini you also need to style it as a full outfit. So with that in mind, I’ve taken to secret shopping. However, when you have a joint account, secret shopping is a bit tricky, especially when the one you’re attempting to keep in the dark with ‘what this old thing? You’ve seen me in it DOEZENS of times – just don’t check my instagram feed…’ is a vigilant bank watcher. The only times I can convince him not to be on statement watch is when it comes to an occasion such as father’s day, Christmas and his birthday, where I can play the “BUT YOU WILL RUIN THE SURPRISE!” even if the surprise is that I’ve also invested in a new pair of jelly shoes. I don’t do credit cards either, which sometimes I think is a shame. He would never know about that until the time came to pay it off, but I don’t really believe in them. I’m more of a “if the money isn’t in the bank don’t spend it” kinda gal. Except the AMEX – him because of it’s cash back and me because I REALLY REALLY want to be rich enough to have a black Amex one day. (If you’d like to contact me with regards to TV or film rights to any of my books please do click here). However, there’s one way I can break the system, and that’s online shopping. Or more importantly, ASOS Premier Service. When an important event comes up such as a wedding or a hen-do there is nothing more perfect than ordering a few dresses, getting them delivered next day while the boys are at school, deciding what I want, and sending the rest back the next day. By the time it’s appeared on the statement, the majority are already on their way back, and I can say “oh no don’t worry, I’ve sent nearly all of it back”. There is a roll of the eyes, and the odd chase up to confirm that it’s deffo on it’s way back to the warehouse, and that’s it done and dusted, new shoes and handbag slipped into the wardrobe tags removed BOOM. Of course, it’s not always as seamless. For example there was the one time that he happened to be working from home and I happened to need to pop out in an emergency. That’s when Steve – my lovely delivery guy – said “you should tell your wife that she can get a text about when we’re coming, after all we deliver to her a lot.” Thanks Steve (although the text service is very useful). There was also the time on Friday, after a rather tragic day, I ordered 15 dresses for upcoming weddings and hen-dos, and forgot that the next day I was at tennis with The Beast and Mr Aimee was home alone. Big. Fat. Fail. I had to say “Sooooooo, there’s an ASOS package coming later…BUT DON’T WORRY – I think it will all be going back, I just have to prove what I have already is better than what’s out there.” “What’s the occasion?” “THE WEDDINGS! Remember?!” “Oh, can’t you wear one of the other dresses you bought for my works do? That pink one you’ve only ever worn once, that’s nice” “Mmm..yes…that’s what I’m thinking, I just need to PROVE that it’s right.” YEAH RIGHT! Like I would wear an old dress to one of my oldest friends weddings? HOW INSULTING WOULD THAT BE? Annoyingly, he was out when Steve came, so I had to rearrange the delivery for today. So actually, I hadn’t needed to tell him about the situation at all. But now he knows it’s come today, and that it looks like this.
So already he’s asked what I’m keeping and what I’m sending back. I CAN’T COPE WITH THE PRESSURE! I mean, I have a hen-do and two weddings, that’s TECHNICALLY keeping three dresses isn’t it? So I need to obviously not eat for a few days so that I can see what the dresses would look like on actually how I’m going to look on the day after a week of pre-event detox and tanning. Obvs. The other secret shopping I’ve been known to sneak in is supermarket shopping. Supermarket clothes aren’t what they used to be. Well some of them anyway. I mean I told you about my favourite new shoes didn’t I? They were only £6, plus I got a cute little denim skirt. However, this has backfired somewhat. I mean he now thinks that Sainsbogs have got extortionately expensive – I mean, they have, but not as bad as he thinks – but that’s only because their kids JimJams and shoes are cute. Asda have upped the price of chicken too *cough*cheap jeans which don’t show muffin tops *cough* and as for Tesco – their peppers are RIDICULOUS these days – the basic t.shirts are pretty reasonable though, and come in so many colours. So erm. Anyway. Please tell me I’m not the only one to secret shop? I’m not the only one to actually leave the house with labels still in a new pair of jeans because I haven’t had an opportunity to cut them off without getting caught? And “this old thing” that’s a regular saying in your house too, right?