I can’t believe it’s nearly New Year. I’m not sure how it’s happened; it doesn’t feel five minutes since I wrote this post with a full years worth of resolutions.
It’s been a whirlwind, it’s been fun, it’s been amazing, and it’s been tough. I have no idea where to start when it comes to reflecting. My fingers have been poised over my keyboard for weeks, wanting to tell you about first nativity plays, about the pressure of playing Santa for the first meaningful time (TWO WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS HE WANTS SPIDERMAN BOOTS AND GLOVES?! Thank god for a friend living in America), about how I was going to be cooking for 11 people.
I was going to tell you about how I’m going to cut back on blogging, not for any other reason other then something’s got to give. I wanted to tell you about how my husband had laser eye surgery and how excited I am about it changing his life, about how next year I am so going to have a puppy and call her Coco, and how actually I’m pretty happy with my lot. However. None of it seems necessary now. The time has passed in a blur of festivities, presents, food and wine. Oh and Port. Everyone is starting to look forward to next year, and so am I. But first, I need to tie up a few loose ends by means of checking out my initial 2012 resolutions….
“I want to spend more time with my children” I foolishly said. And I have. Some days I genuinely wonder what I was thinking. There have been times when Matthew received a 2pm text message saying “Are you nearly home yet”. I was going to “Cut back on Marketing. And I have. Admittedly at the end of the day Marketing pays the bills, so I can’t give up on it totally, but I think finally, in about June/July I found a good balance.
I posted that my family was complete. That’s such a hard one to write. It is. I know this really, but with everyone shooting out (ha) scrummy babies, and some beautiful bump photos popping up on my instagram feed, I do have my wobbles. I don’t have any babies anymore. As I promised Fatty is now upstairs in his big boy room, he’s walking, talking and throwing the mother of all tantrums. He’s learnt to say “yes please” and “NOOOO” (that one is too often). And The Beast has started school. The relief of him settling in well was amazing, but it would have been more amazing if the school day were slightly longer. Just saying, how is one meant to get ANYTHING done?! We’ve still got the cat (anyone want a cat?) and we have a goldfish.
In March, after a midlife crisis haircut in February I turned 30. I came to terms with the majority of it quite quickly, although perhaps not the best year for a career change. Having two small children, no sleep and starting at the bottom of a totally new career ladder took its toll, the feeling of being “nothing” after being “something”. I may have cried at the first card with the big three-oh on it, but then, I got a gorg watch and a few nights in the sun away from the kids, so it’s not all bad eh?
I then set a few more traditional resolutions for myself and the family.
1. I will keep up with my running
Well I did. Until May. In April I ran the Lincoln 10k and it was amazing. But then I got out of the habit, and you know what I’m like, I hate having to start from scratch. Then I got bogged down with life and now I look at running whistfully, every now and then stroking my trainers and glancing at my running jacket wondering if it will even zip up anymore.
2. I will not lie awake worrying about anything and everything
3. I will not turn 30
4. I will not scratch my car
YESSSS!!! AUDREY HAS LASTED NEARLY AN ENTIRE YEAR WITH NO SCRATCHES!
5. I will not break my children.
With the exception of Fatty having to go to A&E, physically we’ve done ok…it’s emotionally we’ll have to wait and see.
1. My husband will learn to put his breakfast pots in the dishwasher
2. Will learn to remove the children’s vests from their tops so that they aren’t all dyed a skanky grey/blue
3. Will learn to have a perspective in time (e.g. not suggest to people we will see them in half an hour, when we are all in PJs, at the breakfast table and the destination is 20 minutes away).
4. Will not teach the children to comment on peoples boobs.
5. Will buy me a new car every time I scratch mine.
1. Will not insist on watching me on the toilet
Fail. In fact, now with his digital camera it’s even more intrusive.
2. Will not leave skiddies in the toilet
3. Will lose the ability of “selective” hearing
4. Will get scouted by a big sports person and be signed for some sort of sport (he wants Football, I’d rather F1 please)
5. Will learn to say the letter “S” properly.
1. Will lose weight
Well. He’s heavier, but he’s definitely slimmed out a tad…
2. Will let Mummy sleep through the night
SHHH let’s not jinx this eh?
3. Will stop laughing and continuing on with whatever he’s just been told off for by Mummy
Yes. Now he just says “Nooooo”.
4. Will stop shooting pooh up his back/down his leg at least once a week
5. Will grow some more hair.
YES! With Curls!
Either I tried harder, or perhaps mine were more realistic.
I have to say though, the biggest thing I’ve achieved over the last year is to quite like myself and how to give myself a break. I think it came with ditching the frienemies and actually I’ve got some pretty darn good friends now. You know who you are. They’re honest with me, they compliment me, they take the piss out of me. They laugh at me when I stress about spending 20 minutes lining my kitchen counters up so my bread bins look PERFECT and most importantly, we’re there for each other. I now have a new found confidence as I begin to believe what they say. Leaving a career that made me question myself on an hourly basis was another huge change, I’m no longer worrying that people are setting me up for a fall, that they’re using me as a scape goat, and as I progress with my writing, especially my novel, I’m believing in myself for once.
I’m not pretending I don’t still look in the mirror and have a strop some times, that I beat myself up for not being perfect straight away. I’m not saying I don’t have tantrums when I spot a muffin top, or a saggy bit of skin hanging over my vest top (nice image), but I manage to shrug it off with a smile, and I often forget about it too!
Goodbye 2012, you’ve been “special” here’s to 2013 – the year I achieve my resolutions (which I’ll post NEXT YEAR).
Has 2012 been good to you? Did you achieve all you wanted? What are your plans for next year?