This morning, after managing to avoid most of social media, I sat down with my laptop on my knee, half-heartedly tapping away while I watched the Great British Bake Off final.
I tend to be a bit emotional about these things anyway, so between Mary Berry choking up and Nadiya saying the following words, I was a mass of snot, tears, and shaking shoulders.
I’m not the only one that this speech hit a chord with, my social media timelines are flooded with similar images and quotes from last night. Comments on my own post reiterate the feelings that the speech was heartfelt, emotional, inspirational and genuine.
Ironically I was speaking to my friend yesterday morning about self-confidence, and how I have spent so much of my time not believing in myself, or worrying about looking like a dick. It stemmed from a conversation about how I always try to lead (parent) by example, and how if I want the children to believe in themselves I kinda have to do the same.
So of course, I put that conversation to one side, as I wrote my acknowledgements for Mothers Ruined and sent it to my publisher saying “do I look like a div?” I put it to one side when I got up this morning and started writing. Except I wasn’t writing, I was re-reading what I’d written and thinking “this is all shit.” Which is how I suddenly ended up on the sofa watching Nadiya work her arse off, instead of working my arse off towards today’s word count deadline.
Her words have settled in my mind ever since, just as they appear to have settled with others of a similar nature.
Why do we allow ourselves to get in the way of achieving what we so desperately want. Why do we allow our fear of it not working out, to put us off? As a mother I certainly wouldn’t allow it to put the kids off, as I regularly chant about safe places to make mistakes, if at first you don’t succeed try again, we learn from our mistakes. Why do we not always follow our own advice? Who blooming knows, but perhaps it’s time to start taking somebody else’s proven advice.
So when I have to take the next step towards something that fills me with self doubt, will I put Nadiya’s speech to one side like I did the conversation with my friend? Or will I get my head down and realise that I have to get my arse in gear and say I can do this and I will do this.
I better bloody follow Nadiya’s lead, because I will also be printing these words out and stick them above my computer and in my laptop case.
‘I’m never going to put boundaries on myself ever again. I’m never going to say I can do it. I’m never going to say “maybe”. I’m never going to say “I don’t think I can”. I can and I will.’