Aimee Horton

Operation Feel Good – Update

May
28

I’m not sure if the weather has been a help or a hindrance to my lifestyle change.

The shining sun always puts a spring in my step and makes me feel optimistic about even the most pressing of problems.   I’m in an annoyingly good mood, prancing about, painting patio furniture and happily hanging out the washing to dry, however, the sun always makes me feel entitled to a sneaky glass of something naughty with my lunch/whilst listening to the Grand Prix/while having dinner on the patio, followed by a massive ice cream or six.

But I can’t.  I can’t cave.  I can’t use the weather as an excuse.  If I do, it goes against everything I’m trying to prove, that I can change.  So since my original post on Wednesday I’ve tried SO SO hard to be good.  I’ve not been perfect, but I can see an improvement.

I wont break it down by day, you don’t want my daily food diary, but let’s put it this way, Thursday I slipped, and yesterday was hard.  No kids, the sun, the garden. I did ok though, plain tonic water with lime, a small rose spritzer, and just a lovely chicken and roasted vegetable salad.  Yes I KNOW there is still alcohol every day, I never said I was going to ban it completely, if I did that I’d rebel, I’m so arrogant.  It’s like a diet, if I start on a Monday the very next day I fall off the wagon big style with a Two for Tuesday at Dominos.

Running wise, I’ve been awful.  Lazy.  So tonight I’m going. I AM I AM I AM I AM I AM.

I AM.

But here’s the thing.  I am starting to feel different.

One of the big differences is that I’ve been struggling to get to sleep.  This might sound like a negative, but in fact it’s a positive.   I know that I used to fall happily into an alcohol induced sleep and wake up mind whizzing in the middle of the night.  By struggling to go to sleep it’s a good thing, it means when sleep finally engulfs my body it’s natural and right.  Right?

When I am away I’m not stressed or worried.  I’m lying their feeling alert, but relaxed.  Enjoying the feeling of my bed, considering READING.  I haven’t read anything since my last holiday.  Until this weekend I haven’t felt humanly able to do anything other then crawl from sofa to bed.

I’m feeling good.  I don’t know if it’s the small changes I’m making or just a coincidence, but we’ll see if it continues.