Aimee Horton

A Project Feel Good update

Jun
01

It’s been more then a week since I started cutting back and trying to respect myself a bit more, and do you know what?  I actually do feel good.

I feel light, I feel calm, I feel relaxed.  The things that normally bother me, that get me down, well, they’re not.  I still have the initial impact of negativity, the slump of the shoulders, the sulking, the reflex to go shopping, but somehow I’m shaking my shoulders and holding my head high.  I don’t feel so beaten down.

I look in the mirror, and my skin seems to be improving, and considering the insomnia is still here,  I don’t look as exhausted as usual.  I’ve lost 2lbs and 1.5inches from my wobbly belly, my make up is staying on longer and I have a bounce in my step.  Plus, there are areas of improvement which are not fit to blog about.

I know, it sounds like an over chirpy promotion to quit drinking doesn’t it?  It’s not all plain sailing.  It’s breaking a habit, one which has been instilled in me for years.   Like I say, I can’t sleep, my mind is buzzing, my body aching in a way that shows it still needs to wind down.  If I’m asleep before 2am right now I’m lucky.  But I still feel better then when I woke up after an alcohol induced sleep.

I’m still short tempered, and after a full day with the children I still could murder a few gins and a bottle of wine stiff drink, and perhaps I’m supplementing booze with Malteasers.

Now it’s Friday night, the children were wild, I’ve had a hectic week, and I’m so tempted to more than a couple of glasses of wine to celebrate the long weekend and go along side my curry (Rogan if anybody is interested) but feel surprisingly guilty.

One day at a time.

P.S. I went for that run – 2.25m in 21mins not amazing, but a start.

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Operation Feel Good – Update

May
28

I’m not sure if the weather has been a help or a hindrance to my lifestyle change.

The shining sun always puts a spring in my step and makes me feel optimistic about even the most pressing of problems.   I’m in an annoyingly good mood, prancing about, painting patio furniture and happily hanging out the washing to dry, however, the sun always makes me feel entitled to a sneaky glass of something naughty with my lunch/whilst listening to the Grand Prix/while having dinner on the patio, followed by a massive ice cream or six.

But I can’t.  I can’t cave.  I can’t use the weather as an excuse.  If I do, it goes against everything I’m trying to prove, that I can change.  So since my original post on Wednesday I’ve tried SO SO hard to be good.  I’ve not been perfect, but I can see an improvement.

I wont break it down by day, you don’t want my daily food diary, but let’s put it this way, Thursday I slipped, and yesterday was hard.  No kids, the sun, the garden. I did ok though, plain tonic water with lime, a small rose spritzer, and just a lovely chicken and roasted vegetable salad.  Yes I KNOW there is still alcohol every day, I never said I was going to ban it completely, if I did that I’d rebel, I’m so arrogant.  It’s like a diet, if I start on a Monday the very next day I fall off the wagon big style with a Two for Tuesday at Dominos.

Running wise, I’ve been awful.  Lazy.  So tonight I’m going. I AM I AM I AM I AM I AM.

I AM.

But here’s the thing.  I am starting to feel different.

One of the big differences is that I’ve been struggling to get to sleep.  This might sound like a negative, but in fact it’s a positive.   I know that I used to fall happily into an alcohol induced sleep and wake up mind whizzing in the middle of the night.  By struggling to go to sleep it’s a good thing, it means when sleep finally engulfs my body it’s natural and right.  Right?

When I am away I’m not stressed or worried.  I’m lying their feeling alert, but relaxed.  Enjoying the feeling of my bed, considering READING.  I haven’t read anything since my last holiday.  Until this weekend I haven’t felt humanly able to do anything other then crawl from sofa to bed.

I’m feeling good.  I don’t know if it’s the small changes I’m making or just a coincidence, but we’ll see if it continues.

 

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