Aimee Horton

An alphabet of food fables…

Jun
01

There’s no point denying it: when it comes to our kids, we will tell them just about any sort of shit to get our own way.

Oh, don’t look at me like that – we all know it’s true. I’m not saying we do it with everything but we have our little areas that as a parent niggle us until we fall onto the boo-hawkey wagon. For me it’s food. Oh, and sleep, and drawing on walls, but let’s just focus on food for now!

Having been a fairly food-phobic child, I am determined that my children will not fall into that category. So with my kids, not only am I strict, I lie. Perhaps “lie” is a bit strong. I “stretch the truth”. All the way through the alphabet…

A is for Apple and them making your teeth strong – and when they’re wobbly helping up the tooth-fairy’s going rate.

B is for Broccoli, which are teeny tiny trees. Go on, eat one. Pretend you’re a giant.

C is for Carrots, which help you see in the dark – everyone knows that.

D is for Dips that aren’t tomato sauce. It’s the same as ketchup, just a different colour.

E is for Eggs, scrambled, fried, or ‘boobie’ (poached) They’re good for your brain, they help you think.

F is for Fish, which obviously helps you swim. Bonus swimming-underwater-points if the fish isn’t breaded or battered.

G is for all things Green. They make you grow. The more greens you eat, the taller you get. Always useful to use after a day at a theme park..

H is for Hashbrowns, granddad’s favourite breakfast.

I is for Indian food, which makes your trumps extra loud. Expect lots of sniggers.

J is for Jam Sandwiches, Granddad’s favourite… oh I’ve already used that.

K is for Kiwis, which help you jump high. Extra high if you eat the seeds.

L is for Leeks, which look like an ordinary vegetable, but they actually help you read minds. What am I thinking right now? THAT’S RIGHT!

M is for Mushrooms, they’re not vegetables – after all – what vegetable is beige?

N is for Nuts. Especially peanut butter. They give your brain energy. As long as you’re not allergic.

O is for Olives, which are just like grapes. 

P is for Pizza the go-to food. I’ve never had to lie about this.

Q is for Quinoa. It helps you think. It gives you energy. It’s Spider-Man’s favourite food. When you eat it, it makes you taller. Nope, no amount of lying will work with quinoa.

R is for Runner Beans. They make you run faster – obviously. It’s in their name.

S is for Spinach, which will make you strong. A Popeye clip on You Tube should do the trick.

T is for Tomatoes, which are Spider-Man’s favourite food. Why do you think he’s red?

U is for Umeboshi, oh who am I kidding – I haven’t a clue what it is or why it’s in my cupboard.

V is for Veggie Burger, it’s just the same as a beef burger.

W is for Wine. That’s mummy’s juice, it makes her big and strong, and able to cope with anything.

X is for extra-good-to-help-you-sleep food. Bananas, porridge, crumpets and milk. They all help you sleep.

Y is for Yorkshire Puddings, which are horrible. Give them here, mummy will take them off your hands.

Z is for Zucchini, which helps you speak different languages… because “zucchini” is Italian for zucchini!

Do you have any other recommendations for food fibs? I need all the help I can get…

~*~

Survival of the Ginnest

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When you’re part of the Bad Mums Club – Fibs.

Mar
03

It’s the first Monday of March, and what better way to kickstart the week than with the brand new Bad Mums Club linky, which this week is being hosted over at butwhymummywhy.

This month I’m going to talk about fibs, white lies, stretching the truth, being creative, whatever you call it it all boils down to one thing “shit we tell our kids to make life easier“.

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