Aimee Horton

Life Lately


There are some bloggers that just get in your head (Alison, Molly and Morgana I’m looking at you), and yesterday no different.

I was sitting looking grumpily at instagram (instead of happily) then I flicked onto twitter…which I have no idea why, because that makes me always grumpy and despondent. But for once it didn’t…I happened to catch Molly’s latest post called “Life Lately” and as always, she hit the nail in the head.

Like her I have exciting (totally not meaning to be cryptic) things happening. I’m also nearly at the end of my draft of the next Dottie novel, and the sun is shining. When you’re pulled this way and that, sometimes your ideas for blogs are clouded. Right now I have loads of ideas, they’re just all pants when it comes to writing them.

So instead, I’m going to embrace Molly’s idea, and this is my life..lately..


Me writing

I’m on fire with Dottie. Getting to THE END is going to be amazing, but I know that this draft is going to need a lot of work. I’m trying to remind myself of the quote “the first draft is always shit” one I tell myself all the time, but by golly, there’s shit, and then there’s the runs. I’ll be looking for Beta readers soon though, so please get in touch if you’re interested.



Theo went on his residential last week. In fact this time last week I was just willing him to come home, and was very relieved he’d managed to not break something abseiling down THIS ACTUAL TOWER.


*throws up in mouth*

While he was away I feel very lucky that the school was closed for polling day, so I got to take Larry to the farm and spend some quality time with him. We used to visit the farm a lot before he started school, so it was lovely to recreate it. Even though we did end up having a very in-depth discussion about why things cost what they do in the gift shop and why we can’t cross out the prices and write a cheaper one on with pen.

Larry runs


I was bloody glad to get this one back though…



Mr Aimee and I worked out that it’s been quite a while since we have managed to bin the children off let the grandparents have the kids overnight, so when our friends suggested a night out we JUMPED at the chance.

Although I have to say, I enjoyed sitting in the garden with my book thoroughly too.



Mainly my dungaree’s if I’m honest. I don’t care what Mr Aimee says (that I look like a drunk kids TV presenter) I LOVE THEM.


I’ve also loving my slogan tee’s & sweats right now. I feel very proud to be able to support my fellow #Mumboss mums…well support or their tops make me feel like I might be cool one day.


FEARLESS TEE by Tease and Toes



GIN AND ON IT Sweat from Parent Apparel.

Anyway, now I’m off for a photoshoot…she says really casually…

Twisted Knickers.


So. The motherhood challenge thing happened, and without realising that everyone was going to get their knickers in a twist for twisting sake, I posted my photos. I didn’t nominate anyone though, mainly because I’m too self absorbed and forgot that part.

I joined in because at that moment it was taking all my restraint not to shout “GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP” up the stairs. I joined in, because a few people had ‘nominated me’ and I thought “fuck it, looking at pictures that make me smile remind me that my children are ok at times.” I also joined in, because rather naively I thought certain people might like to see the pictures and read my comments.

I didn’t realise that by admitting I love my kids I was bragging. I didn’t realise that I was insinuating that I was an amazing mum, or that I was doing a fantastic job, or that I was patting myself on the back and being a smug cow. It was not so long ago, that by saying something negative about your child made you a bad mother. I’ve done that too, so sorry about that. Sorry about it all.

You see, as a mum, I like to look at other mum’s pictures. Admittedly nobody has a child as cute as mine, but I still think most people’s kids are blooming cute. I like to see these children grow up. I like to see them having a tantrum because you gave them the wrong coloured plate, or the sofa that they’ve drawn on. I like to see them at their first swim gala, in their first football kit, on their first day of school or achieving star of the week. I like to see a mum being proud – even if sometimes some posts are a bit vomit inducing.

But here’s the deal – for me anyway. My social media accounts aren’t for your benefit.

 It’s probably surprising to hear, from somebody who supposedly wears their heart on their sleeve across most social media networks, but when I upload/write a status I’m not doing it for the general public, I’m doing it for me.

I don’t go on social media to be offended, quite the opposite, often I go on to cheer myself up. You see, the people on my feed, I like them. They make me happy. Yes, there is the odd person who can post a status that makes them come across as a bit of a pillock, there are some needy cryptic attention seekers, and I’m not really that fussed about how many places you can check into on a day. But I’m not offended by it all, I just scroll on through, and look at the things that make me smile.

People’s achievements. Oh my god, I love to see how people are doing, people from my past and present, who are all over the world these days, they’ve run marathons. They’ve got new jobs, they’ve had kids, they’ve got married, they’re moving house, they’re following their dreams. I LOVE IT. Facebook and Instagram to me, are the way I keep up, because I have come to terms with the fact that no matter how many birthday cards I buy, they’ll never get from the glove box to the post box.

I don’t tend to join in any of the viral stuff, and I actually avoid anything that’s to ‘raise awareness to charity’ unless I think it will get a laugh, because well, that’s what I like to do, I like to make people laugh. I like to raise a smile amongst the perils of day-to-day life. It makes me happy. You really couldn’t give a toss about me not wearing make up, and I couldn’t give a toss if you knew I’d given to that charity or not. It’s really not anybody’s business.

It’s a bit like the fact that I don’t tell you that for the last four days I’ve been sat with my foot up and I’m bloody depressed about the fact that I can’t run. Nor do I tell you that it’s impacted my entire writing week, and I’ve spent a lot of time in tears eating yellow food. Why would I post that? Makes me sound a bit pathetic. In fact, I’ve deleted this paragraph about three times because I feel a bit of a twat, but I’ll keep it in to enhance my rant.

You see, I know we live in Instagram nation, and we all know that we’re all guilty at one time or another of taking 50 million photos and filtering the fuck out of them. But I also think we’re getting a little guilty of over-thinking. I agree maybe the word “challenge” and the act of having to “tag a person who you think is an awesome mum” were not the best choices for this particular facebook “meme”, but perhaps it’s about time  we realise that some people are just making memories for themselves, not to rub them into you, and perhaps you’re getting offended about something that is really rather insignificant (a few extra pictures in your timeline which is probably full of other baby and family snaps) in the grand scheme of things.

An alphabet of food fables…


There’s no point denying it: when it comes to our kids, we will tell them just about any sort of shit to get our own way.

Oh, don’t look at me like that – we all know it’s true. I’m not saying we do it with everything but we have our little areas that as a parent niggle us until we fall onto the boo-hawkey wagon. For me it’s food. Oh, and sleep, and drawing on walls, but let’s just focus on food for now!

Having been a fairly food-phobic child, I am determined that my children will not fall into that category. So with my kids, not only am I strict, I lie. Perhaps “lie” is a bit strong. I “stretch the truth”. All the way through the alphabet…

A is for Apple and them making your teeth strong – and when they’re wobbly helping up the tooth-fairy’s going rate.

B is for Broccoli, which are teeny tiny trees. Go on, eat one. Pretend you’re a giant.

C is for Carrots, which help you see in the dark – everyone knows that.

D is for Dips that aren’t tomato sauce. It’s the same as ketchup, just a different colour.

E is for Eggs, scrambled, fried, or ‘boobie’ (poached) They’re good for your brain, they help you think.

F is for Fish, which obviously helps you swim. Bonus swimming-underwater-points if the fish isn’t breaded or battered.

G is for all things Green. They make you grow. The more greens you eat, the taller you get. Always useful to use after a day at a theme park..

H is for Hashbrowns, granddad’s favourite breakfast.

I is for Indian food, which makes your trumps extra loud. Expect lots of sniggers.

J is for Jam Sandwiches, Granddad’s favourite… oh I’ve already used that.

K is for Kiwis, which help you jump high. Extra high if you eat the seeds.

L is for Leeks, which look like an ordinary vegetable, but they actually help you read minds. What am I thinking right now? THAT’S RIGHT!

M is for Mushrooms, they’re not vegetables – after all – what vegetable is beige?

N is for Nuts. Especially peanut butter. They give your brain energy. As long as you’re not allergic.

O is for Olives, which are just like grapes. 

P is for Pizza the go-to food. I’ve never had to lie about this.

Q is for Quinoa. It helps you think. It gives you energy. It’s Spider-Man’s favourite food. When you eat it, it makes you taller. Nope, no amount of lying will work with quinoa.

R is for Runner Beans. They make you run faster – obviously. It’s in their name.

S is for Spinach, which will make you strong. A Popeye clip on You Tube should do the trick.

T is for Tomatoes, which are Spider-Man’s favourite food. Why do you think he’s red?

U is for Umeboshi, oh who am I kidding – I haven’t a clue what it is or why it’s in my cupboard.

V is for Veggie Burger, it’s just the same as a beef burger.

W is for Wine. That’s mummy’s juice, it makes her big and strong, and able to cope with anything.

X is for extra-good-to-help-you-sleep food. Bananas, porridge, crumpets and milk. They all help you sleep.

Y is for Yorkshire Puddings, which are horrible. Give them here, mummy will take them off your hands.

Z is for Zucchini, which helps you speak different languages… because “zucchini” is Italian for zucchini!

Do you have any other recommendations for food fibs? I need all the help I can get…


Survival of the Ginnest


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